You Make Me Shiver
Well, okay, he came over last night.
I did tell him about everything I was thinking, especially the intimacy thing. I don’t know how much he got in. I also told him about the depression thing and he said you’re smart. And then he said, I’m sorry I’m giving you so much grief.
I said I just want to see you happy.
After I realized that he might be depressed.
But I think he knows that I might not be in this relationship scene for long.
There’s so much for me to do, with three essays due in two weeks and I literally shouldn’t have the time to whine about these things.
But with his attitude so diluted towards everything…
He’s not into anything. He wished he was, but he isn’t.
Naturally, I said, You’re never that into a girl either.
Maybe, he replied.
My world must be fucked. I was thinking of giving him the Ultimatum next weekend, or even sooner if need be. But then again giving a guy like him an Ultimatum is like expelling him.
He’s just left about ten minutes ago.
Yea, I feel like texting him and telling him, “You have to do this or I’ll have to break up with you.”
But I couldn’t do it. I can’t do it to him, it’s just sad. I can’t do it to him.
After all, he has been really nice to me. He’s done nothing but nice things to me. How could I tell him to go?
It makes me shiver.
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March 29, 10:48 at
Why not just wait for some time? Don’t expect anything of him for now. Go with the flow. At least until you have more time. If you stop worrying about it for a while then hopefully things will fall into place. Things will either improve or at least you will know for sure what to do and what to tell him. I don’t know I’m just thinking.
March 29, 12:40 at
I will wait for one week. It’s hard because I’ve been waiting for like two months already. And I know that if I don’t do anything, things will not change since he doesn’t see anything wrong.
Oh, and I’m hardly one to procrastinate.
March 29, 18:59 at
I WANT TO ADVISE YOU TO CHALLENGE YOUR FEELINGS, AND THEREFORE YOU WILL STUMBLE UPON SOMETHING INCREDIBLE. YOU’LL SUCCEED.
March 30, 03:09 at
sacrificing yourself? Is it the right way to live your life?
OK, ok…I will wait a day, a week, a month, 2 months, and then what?
What if you will continuously have to wait?
Ready to do this, aporia? Are you ready to wait?
March 30, 03:14 at
To Adam: Hopefully.
To sanjins: Fortunately I do have a much greater patience and compassion than typical people. I have waited longer than a year before; months is nothing, though admittedly painful. However, if things are worked through, everything is worth it.
Call me dumb; I am tolerant.
March 30, 09:53 at
To aporia: I have read the description in your profile. “I have been in love only once.” The first love is usually filled with suffering and that is why people usually generalize and say that “The first love is unforgettable”
It is unforgettable because of the patience and self sacrifice we show in it. But again, I do not want to generalize…Maybe you feel happiness in that tolerance. But is that small glimpse of happiness, that probably doesn’t even exist, worth years of patience?
March 30, 11:28 at
To sanjins: My “love only once” was not my first love. There were certain qualities of that relationship which made it closer to real love than any other bond I have had.
Thankfully I’m not going to be waiting for years anymore. With this one, I am waiting for one week - if things don’t work out or no light is shed on it, I am terminating for my own health as well as his.
There isn’t much happiness in this patience; it’s more of a maturity thing to deal with a problem. People do not change overnight.