About A Lover

I must say that I realized why I couldn’t study for the past three days. It’s because (as an INFJ) I can’t be happy or do anything if I’m not at peace with myself.

And I guess I haven’t been.

My inner mind structure is very systematic; everything has to make sense in order for me to move on. That’s just the way I am.

Everyday, every minute I’m constantly searching for a perfect state of mind that can help me live as efficiently as possible.
If conflicts keep bothering me, I would become quiet and depressed. There is no gray middle area; I am either euphorically happy or depressed.
(That also explains my love for being a psychologist.) Because nothing makes me happier than seeing a person feeling as wonderful as they could be.

So this is me; no exception.

Once I thought my lover is the one person who loves me can make me happy by sharing something I can never have dreamt of.
That he understands me, knows my weaknesses and strengths, and makes the whole world right for me.

At least that’s what I thought when I was a teenager.

Only the last sentence survived: he can make the whole world alright for me. He does not need to have the same interests as me - but he must have the same perspective of the ideal word.
We must be looking in the same direction and working towards the same dream.

I’m sure this will change in the next ten year’s time.
But for now, that will keep me focused & my boy problems will be temporarily resolved.

(And then I remembered what a six-year-old said about love: “Love is when one of those people have freckles and so then they find someone else who has freckles, too.”)

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