The Way Out of A Miserable Life
Today I talked about the most amazing things with my girl friend.
Her problem was this:
She’s been counselled out of being suicidal and the dying instinct,
but she is still living a somehow miserable and dark life.
She feels lonely when she’s alone, but also lonely when she’s with people.
Her ex-boyfriend has just dumped/abandoned her,
and she feels like she’s the loneliest and most unsupported person in the world.
Her world is a constant darkness and misery.
She feels bad every day.
And feels like she’s fighting alone.
What I said was this:
First, the problem is that your emotional needs are dependent on others. You had a boyfriend, he’s now gone; you have a counsellor, but he only listens. When you’re alone, of course you’re going to feel like the whole world has abandoned and neglected you. What you are really needing to learn right now is how to be on your own.
You’re now at a point called Down.
You want to be living at the point called Up.
Bad things in life have happened to you, damaged you, abused you, drained you so horribly so that you’re currently Down. But you should realize that you have the potential to be there at high Up. You have the ability, it is within you & inside you, you just need to unleash it and unleash your spirit.
The happiness/depression switch is inside you.
It is not somewhere far away you have to go everyday to switch. It’s right inside you.
Now the important thing is making the journey from Down to Up on your own.
It is very important that you learn to at least make yourself confident and happy on your own.
Why? Because:
1. No one is attracted to a depressed or needy person. When you’re depressed and ugly, people cannot see the beautiful & glowing you that you can really be. In this vicious cycle, people treat you worse, people cannot get close to you, and that’s why you are feeling lonely.
2. If everyone in the world is at Down, and no one is willing to pick themselves up, then everyone would be lying on the floor.
A related point that it is very important to understand and know a happy relationship can only happen where two people are whole & complete individuals. There can’t be two halves. “I’m always looking for my other half,” if you find yourself saying that often enough, you’re fucked. Because you are not only emotionally dependent – what will happen to you if the other person is not there, be gone or from accidents? You will never mend or heal again, because that other person has taken all your emotions with them.
Therefore, the most important thing to do now is break your Depressive Circle. Once you’re out of there, you will no longer attract depressive people, depressive events and a depressive feeling on life.
You will be taking your first step towards the point Up.
Do not care about what’s been keeping you Down,
Do not care about what’s going to happen when you’re Up,
Do not care about what other people will think,
Just be at the Up point first, then revise.
When you’re at the point Up, you can then look back to fill in and mend the voids of your past. Your life will be more positive already, and you will attract positive people, positive things and a happier life. Isn’t this what you want?!
And what’s even better:
When you’re at point Up, people can really see who you have the potential to become.
They will see the real you – the beautiful you that is not beaten down by damages from the past.
The real you that you deserve to be and should have always been.
The confident, happy, smiling person who can bring happiness and joy to others.
I was once down also.
Now I am giving a hand to those who are in depression.
There are “complete wholes” and “halves” in this world, and it is for the complete wholes to help the halves become whole themselves again.
Tags: beauty, dating, depression, diary, friends, health, journal, life, love, lust, men, pain, philosophy, psychology, relationship, sex, stories, study, thoughts, women, writing
March 27, 17:00 at
Did you say all this in a face-to-face conversation? Hope she listened, because this is exactly the advice that I would’ve given to a friend in depression.
A couple of years back, I was depressed about events that were not entirely under my control– until there came a moment when I had to face the reality: that things are the way are, the only thing under my control is the way I react to it. So it was just a state of my mind, that I could choose. I got out of the depressed state after that, but it’s still not an outlook that is internalized. I still have to resort to it consciously, but I am yet to know of an alternative.
March 27, 17:20 at
To kowsik: Yes, most of the content of this page is me trying to remember what I had said, because she reckoned it’d be useful to write about it.
I was sitting in the uni lounge area on the couch talking. She did listen and she liked it. I felt like Freud (but of course nowhere near).
You’re absolutely right. It’s a state of mind, an internalization. I can’t see any other alternative or need to be, except that sometimes I do try to compromise my own view with the phenomenological world.
March 27, 21:31 at
“No one is attracted to a depressed or needy person. When you’re depressed and ugly, people cannot see the beautiful & glowing you that you can really be. In this vicious cycle, people treat you worse, people cannot get close to you, and that’s why you are feeling lonely.”
It’s a vicious cycle indeed. That is kind of my problem with my friends around me. I would like to break loose of that phase where I care about how people treat me or what they think of me. I figure that only when I am happy with myself, then I should expect people to think better of me. And by then it shouldn’t matter to me anyways. But right now it seems the more I’m depressed about it the more they get more distant.
March 28, 00:35 at
I’m sure you can do it.